Fighting dirty in a relationship looks like...
If we're asking how it looks to fight dirty in a relationship, our natural next question is – well, how does it look to fight right?
None of us were taught how to have a healthy relationship, and definitely definitely not how to “fight right.” And so, we get into some unhealthy patterns when we try to protect ourselves in an argument – we overly attack, overly defend, freeze, people please…
Here are some unhealthy ways we fight in relationships to reflect on:
Bringing up divorce or breaking up.
Pointing out your partner’s flaws & past mistakes.
Dominating the conversation by talking over them.
Refusing to talk & giving the silent treatment.
Making the issue entirely the other person’s fault.
Dismissing or invalidating what’s being said.
So now we ask, how the heck does it look to fight right?
I can summarize it in one statement: “Fighting right” means fighting to connect and understand.
I want you to read that again. It’s not about fighting to get your point across or battling against each other. It's about remembering that we’re on the same team. In moments of disagreement, it's easy to lose sight of this fundamental truth, but recognizing that we're partners striving for the same goal is essential.
Fighting right means approaching conflict with empathy, putting aside our egos to truly listen to one another. It's about creating a safe space where both partners feel heard and valued, even amid disagreements. Instead of seeking to 'win' the argument, fighting to get your point across, or fighting each other, we shift the focus in couples therapy to practicing understanding, empathy, and connection. This means actively listening, validating each other's emotions, and striving for solutions rather than winning an argument.
When we learn to fight right, we not only address the issues at hand but also strengthen the bond between us, paving the way for a deeper, more resilient connection. By embracing this mindset, we transform conflict into a bridge that deepens our understanding and strengthens our bond.
If you’re ready to heal the fights and communication in your relationships, reach out and we’ll do the work together.
